back·slid (-sld), back·slid·ing, back·slides
To revert to sin or wrongdoing, especially in religious practice.
to lapse into bad habits or vices from a state of virtue, religious faith, etc
slip back to old ways - go astray.
colloquial: to have sex with someone you were previously dating or hooking up with. Specifically after a falling out or bad breakup and tends to make things more complicated.
Now, the story:
Yesterday I watched an episode of a TV series about backsliders and I woke up today, after a disturbing dream and I started analizing why my mind plays these tricks on me. Say, I used to be a backslider ( in the colloquial sense) and I was probably the worst kind until I moved on. Oh, that felt so good!
I keep this habit of reminiscencing but I don't backslide anymore. Still, I guess humans always backslide. Men would probably call this some other way but they do it, anyway. Is that because we - humans - are so weak? Is it because we like to revolt in suffering? I wonder...
Though we love feeling miserable at times, that feeling of being familiar with someone is surely a strong one and maybe that's what leads us to slip back to old ways. I know I went astray many many times in the past and after some years I got to believe I was going to do that all my life... I really really don't know if that's going to be the case, hopefully it won't... but I DO have many issues with letting go.... so, how can I tell? right? For the moment, I'll just settle with hope.
My recommendation: if you are sad or angry, just stay away from your cellphone, social networks and other means of communication with your past! :)