Trauma

There are some things you just can't get over. That's a fact. 

One day you wake up thinking that it's ok, you'll be fine after time does its thing and you mind lets go of the terrible memories but no. There it goes again... after a while, a similar event reminding you of all the suffering. You got to grow stronger... you got to let go and move on...

Big girls don't cry

All you ever wanted came at a high price. 

No time for regrets.

You can see the dark ahead and there's no turning back.

Buckle up and fight, you've been on the ground before.

You've been hit harder and made it. All by yourself.

No time for regrets now, 

Big girls don't cry...

Stand up and fight this new fight.

Big girls don't cry.

Another memory

The best you ever had
The best you ever had
Is just a memory and those dreams
Weren't as daft as they seem
Not as daft as they seem
My love when you dream them up
Oh, where did you go?

What are the odds?

Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice 

Beetlejuice

 and there he is...


creepy... really creepy.

I believe in miracles

Somehow I didn't use to, now I somehow do. 

I'm gratefull for what I was granted on this Sept 29th. 

I still feel akward but I guess it's only right. 

Love won

Make This Go On Forever ♥

Please don't let this turn into something it's not
I can only give you everything I've got
I can't be as sorry as you think I should
But I still love you more than anyone else could

All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight
Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right
This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long
Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love
We have got through so much worse than this before
What's so different this time that you can't ignore
You say it is much more than just my last mistake
And we should spend some time apart for both our sakes

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness [x2]

And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness [x2]

ALL IN

I have everything to lose and almost nothing to win but I'm ALL IN.

I've waited and I have to continue waiting but I believe it's worth it.

And I'm all in, nothing left to hide.

I've fallen harder than a landslide,

I spent a week awa from you last night

and I'm calling out your name.

Even if I lose the game, 

I'm ALL IN for you, 

I'm ALL IN for life.

Restarts

And I want it so bad to restart that I have to be heard from someone up there. I want it to work, I deserve a second chance.

Lo siento

Nada cura mi dolor. Es meramente mi culpa esta vez. En realidad no es tanto lo que hice, porque NO lo hice sino el no haber podido parar una situacion que me incomodaba y no haberlo hecho. Lo siento. De verdad lo siento. 

Quizas nunca leas esto pero yo quiero que sepas que lo siento. Que nunca te lastimaría. Que todo lo que hice por vos lo hice desde mi corazón y con todo el amor que me salía. Que durante dos años construímos algo hermoso y no puede terminar asi.

Lo siento y no puedo hacer nada al respecto. Que el tiempo cura las heridas? lo dudo. Que el amor todo lo puede? También lo dudo. 

Yo te fui, te soy y te quiero seguir siendo incondicional. Lo siento por vos y por mi... porque no sé que hacer. Porque sin vos mi vida vuelve a ser NADA mas que un vacio y ahora más grande aùn porque deje que tu luz me abrazara y me llenara el alma. Porque con vos pude disfrutar los momentos más felices... casi comprendiendo lo que era la FELICIDAD de la que tanto me hablabas. 

Lo siento y quiero que vuelvas, que me mires a los ojos y me digas que vale la pena. Que nosotros valemos la pena y que hablando podemos resolverlo. Quiero que me mires como antes y sienta que estas conmigo incondicionalmente. Quiero mimarte, consentirte y que hagas lo mismo conmigo. 

Lo siento y quiero que formemos esa familia de la que tanto hablamos, incluso sin hablar y todo a su debido tiempo. 

Lo siento porque te duele y por ende a mi me duele el doble. Lo siento porque no puedo demostrarte que si bien fui una pelotuda, no hice nada y sobre todo lo siento porque quizas nunca vuelvas a confiar en mi... inclusive sabiendo que clase de persona soy. Lo siento y no quiero vivir esta vida sin vos, porque sin vos no es NADA mas que sobrevivir. Lo siento, amor. Lo siento.

Words

Words are like weapons

depending on how you use them, they can be lethal. 

Sometimes they cut like a knife and 

whether it is rejection or an argument or just a crude remark, 

words can hurt more than you can begin to imagine. 

I didn't really mean to hurt you 

I didn't wanna see you go 

I know I made you cry, 

but baby life is tough.

(it's not my fault I'm so good with words)

Stop along the way

Why?

Giving up

You’re probably thinking I’ve forgotten all about you by now, but that’s far from it. I still do miss you occasionally, but I’m getting better. I continue to smile and still go on without you. I know I have missed you, but I have kept it all inside me, only for me to know. I still wonder about your doings, how you are, what you’re doing, what we used to talk about, the laugh in your voice. Just, everything. I miss it all. However, I feel that the parting of us was for the best, because everything happens for a reason. Should destiny put us into a crossing road in the future, that is when I will see you again. Until then, remember this: no matter what, even through the disagreements, mistakes and the tears we’ve cried, never, ever did I give up on you. So if you ever need a helping hand, do not hesitate to ask. I may be far away, but I will always be in reach.

Growing up

Have you ever reminisced on something in the past, thinking of every possible way you could have changed it, made it last, made it work? All my life I spent way too much time trying to make things work. I’d make way too much effort on things that wouldn’t be worth it and would be burning myself in the end. I finally realized that I can’t control everything. I spent my days waking up, thinking about it, and going to bed thinking about it - hoping and praying it will come back - nothing lasts forever. We go through our lives thinking about yesterday and not today. Letting go isn’t being weak or giving up… letting go is GROWING UP.

“Growing up sucks. Not all kisses are magic, and most boys do not live up to your expectations. But there are those times when everything, I mean love, romance, relationships… it all falls together perfectly, and it’s incredible… it’s those moments, no matter how depressingly few and far between that make growing up worth it. And it’ll be okay.” (Dawson's Creek)

FAIL

And that's the thing about people that mean everything they say, like me. They think everyone else does too.

The Edge

Have you ever had to get through a day pretending everything was normal and ok, while all the time you felt like you were carrying a terrible weight of unhappiness inside you?. 

I want to stand as close to the edge as I can withoug going over because I'm feeling that kind of tired that won't go away with sleep. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the centre.

Change

People can change, they just don't because it's easier not to. They are always waiting for their lives to begin, like figuring they'll be someone else someday. But what are they waiting for? All we have is now, don't run from it.

In your dreams

They say that when you can’t sleep, 

you’re awake in someone’s dream

  

My heart is pounding

the air is gone from my lungs

I'm shivering in astonishment

Sometimes you have to let go 

to see if there was anything worth holding on to...

Here you are, a long time has passed

and yet nothing is changed (again).

You make me confused.

When someone is in your heart, 

they’re never truly gone. 

They can come back to you, 

even at unlikely times.

How do you hang on to someone who won’t stay? 

And how do you get rid of someone who won’t go?

That's just another big dillema and as such it will remain.

I won’t force myself to have a space in your life, 

because if you know my worth, you’ll create one for me.

And if you don't, then what a shame! It's your loss...

I guess, I'll see you in your dreams.

Evil

The unique and supreme voluptuousness of love lies in the certainty of committing evil. And men and women know from birth that in evil is found all sensual delight. 

Charles Baudelaire

Proyectar

Según el diccionario, PROYECTAR es: idear, proponer, disponer, ver a futuro. 

Ahora... hay muchos que le tienen miedo solo a la idea de proyectar algo. De mirar hacia adelante y hacerse cargo y de ahí surge un ¿por qué? que ha sido estudiado y analizado mil veces y como en muchos otros casos, tiene mil respuestas que no satisfacen a nadie y mucho menos a mi. 

Yo PROYECTO, vivo el presente con vista a futuro, me aburre quedarme quieta, amo el cambio y la experiencia. Necesito avanzar y probar, equivocarme, aprender y mejorar.

Empujo a gente para que haga lo mismo y capaz AHI está mi error. But again, estoy aprendiendo...

En psicoanálisis, PROYECTAR, es atribuir a otra persona u objeto, los defectos o intenciones que no se reconocen en uno mismo. No debo agregar ni una sola palabra a dicha definición. 

Fin.

The Rut

I am in a rut. A giant bed-shaped rut. A giant bed-shaped month-long rut. I am pretty much wallowing in this ole rut of mine.

I want to get up, get out, honestly I do. I want to be so busy my feet hardly touch the floor, and I want to like it. Now when I'm busy it makes me grumpy and resentful. How dare you take away from my important sleeping time? What do I need to kickstart me?  I've tried new music, new food, new activities. It's all one big blah to me.

Maybe this new flat will do the trick, will give me a swift kick up the arse. And then, this new flat brings a whole load of new worries with it... but I can take. I have to...

Feliz

Solo una vez lejos de acá me desperté mejor, pero no me atreví.

¿Qué garantías tenía de ser feliz? ♪♫

I'm so sick of it

I want to change it all. I'm going to change it all.

Afraid

Will I ever get my head around
All the things that I feel good about
that always seem to disappear?
When every time I think
I've got this all worked out.
Something chews me up and spits me out.
But there's nothing left to fear...

I feel so bad
Never felt like this 'bout anything I never have
No, please don't tell me that
What's lost is lost it's never gonna come back home

I walk in circles when there's no one around
Try to find my own direction
I test the water but it burns my hand
As I disfigure my reflection
I've been a good girl but I need peace of mind

I lie in silence and I just can't sleep
How I long for your affection
My eyes are tired and my body is weak
I'll carry on proving everyone wrong
I will succeed!
What's meant to be is meant to be
it's no consolation!

I 'm caught up in a mystery way
I'm in a constant distant state
I pray for this to always be
The path that has been chosen for me
Cos it's got me spinning round and round, round and round
So high I can't touch the ground anymore
And it's all that I'm praying

I stood alone, the only one
I didn't know I was waiting
For liberty to feel like me
And now I'm here I'm not willing to change but I'm so afraid.

A new beginning II

Yesterday is gone
And tomorrow is new
Everything that's gone undone
Now its time for you to do
Look forward to a brighter day
And a great expected end
It's a new day and a new beginning

A period in my life is closed and with it a new door opens
The door to INDEPENDENCE and not having to do as someone else wants me to
The door to SELFSUFICIENCY and GROWTH
It's the beginning of MY life for ME.

Read My Mind

I never really gave up on breakin' out of this two-star town
I got the green light, I got a little fight
I'm gonna turn this thing around!

The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun
When you read my mind...

edge

the body stops working as it should and there's no medical explanation
the mind is full of negative thoughts and tormenting images
you want to cry as soon as the eyes open in the morning
the feeling of emptiness is overwhelming
the pain in the chest feels like an ax stuck in it
the dreams are all nightmares
everything goes black and blue
that's when you know you are on the edge
be careful not to fall...

When I see you, I see me

Travellers Tune más que nunca...

Reminiscences 2

Esperar que la gente haga por vos, lo que vos harías en su lugar es un terrible error. No se puede seguir perdiendo el tiempo.
Nunca arruines tu presente por un pasado que no tiene futuro... ya no hay confort en mirar para atrás. Solo quedan los recuerdos y el saber que "eso" ya no es lo que uno creía.

Vacaciones

Me encontré con Wally y por eso desaparecí un mes casi (?)

Unity

A night like this

you are just the most perfect thing i've got in this world. It goes deep, it goes deeper than this. I want it to be perfect. I want to change it all. Oh oh oh i want to change. Always and never it is. Forever and a day. I want to be perfect just for you. Oh oh oh i want to change. I want it to be good for good...

A new beginning

Fear not!

This is other of those moments when I have to stop and start something new.
“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” And that's what I'm going to do. I won't stay in this prison anymore. I'm going to move and look ahead.
Still, “What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from." Thus, this is THE END. The end of a very dark period in my life. What comes ahead is all full of light. I believe there's nothing darker and in that direction I must drive.

The End.