Words

Words are like weapons

depending on how you use them, they can be lethal. 

Sometimes they cut like a knife and 

whether it is rejection or an argument or just a crude remark, 

words can hurt more than you can begin to imagine. 

I didn't really mean to hurt you 

I didn't wanna see you go 

I know I made you cry, 

but baby life is tough.

(it's not my fault I'm so good with words)

Stop along the way

Why?

Giving up

You’re probably thinking I’ve forgotten all about you by now, but that’s far from it. I still do miss you occasionally, but I’m getting better. I continue to smile and still go on without you. I know I have missed you, but I have kept it all inside me, only for me to know. I still wonder about your doings, how you are, what you’re doing, what we used to talk about, the laugh in your voice. Just, everything. I miss it all. However, I feel that the parting of us was for the best, because everything happens for a reason. Should destiny put us into a crossing road in the future, that is when I will see you again. Until then, remember this: no matter what, even through the disagreements, mistakes and the tears we’ve cried, never, ever did I give up on you. So if you ever need a helping hand, do not hesitate to ask. I may be far away, but I will always be in reach.

Growing up

Have you ever reminisced on something in the past, thinking of every possible way you could have changed it, made it last, made it work? All my life I spent way too much time trying to make things work. I’d make way too much effort on things that wouldn’t be worth it and would be burning myself in the end. I finally realized that I can’t control everything. I spent my days waking up, thinking about it, and going to bed thinking about it - hoping and praying it will come back - nothing lasts forever. We go through our lives thinking about yesterday and not today. Letting go isn’t being weak or giving up… letting go is GROWING UP.

“Growing up sucks. Not all kisses are magic, and most boys do not live up to your expectations. But there are those times when everything, I mean love, romance, relationships… it all falls together perfectly, and it’s incredible… it’s those moments, no matter how depressingly few and far between that make growing up worth it. And it’ll be okay.” (Dawson's Creek)

FAIL

And that's the thing about people that mean everything they say, like me. They think everyone else does too.

The Edge

Have you ever had to get through a day pretending everything was normal and ok, while all the time you felt like you were carrying a terrible weight of unhappiness inside you?. 

I want to stand as close to the edge as I can withoug going over because I'm feeling that kind of tired that won't go away with sleep. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the centre.

Change

People can change, they just don't because it's easier not to. They are always waiting for their lives to begin, like figuring they'll be someone else someday. But what are they waiting for? All we have is now, don't run from it.

In your dreams

They say that when you can’t sleep, 

you’re awake in someone’s dream

  

My heart is pounding

the air is gone from my lungs

I'm shivering in astonishment

Sometimes you have to let go 

to see if there was anything worth holding on to...

Here you are, a long time has passed

and yet nothing is changed (again).

You make me confused.

When someone is in your heart, 

they’re never truly gone. 

They can come back to you, 

even at unlikely times.

How do you hang on to someone who won’t stay? 

And how do you get rid of someone who won’t go?

That's just another big dillema and as such it will remain.

I won’t force myself to have a space in your life, 

because if you know my worth, you’ll create one for me.

And if you don't, then what a shame! It's your loss...

I guess, I'll see you in your dreams.

Evil

The unique and supreme voluptuousness of love lies in the certainty of committing evil. And men and women know from birth that in evil is found all sensual delight. 

Charles Baudelaire

Proyectar

Según el diccionario, PROYECTAR es: idear, proponer, disponer, ver a futuro. 

Ahora... hay muchos que le tienen miedo solo a la idea de proyectar algo. De mirar hacia adelante y hacerse cargo y de ahí surge un ¿por qué? que ha sido estudiado y analizado mil veces y como en muchos otros casos, tiene mil respuestas que no satisfacen a nadie y mucho menos a mi. 

Yo PROYECTO, vivo el presente con vista a futuro, me aburre quedarme quieta, amo el cambio y la experiencia. Necesito avanzar y probar, equivocarme, aprender y mejorar.

Empujo a gente para que haga lo mismo y capaz AHI está mi error. But again, estoy aprendiendo...

En psicoanálisis, PROYECTAR, es atribuir a otra persona u objeto, los defectos o intenciones que no se reconocen en uno mismo. No debo agregar ni una sola palabra a dicha definición. 

Fin.

The Rut

I am in a rut. A giant bed-shaped rut. A giant bed-shaped month-long rut. I am pretty much wallowing in this ole rut of mine.

I want to get up, get out, honestly I do. I want to be so busy my feet hardly touch the floor, and I want to like it. Now when I'm busy it makes me grumpy and resentful. How dare you take away from my important sleeping time? What do I need to kickstart me?  I've tried new music, new food, new activities. It's all one big blah to me.

Maybe this new flat will do the trick, will give me a swift kick up the arse. And then, this new flat brings a whole load of new worries with it... but I can take. I have to...