FAIL

And that's the thing about people that mean everything they say, like me. They think everyone else does too.

The Edge

Have you ever had to get through a day pretending everything was normal and ok, while all the time you felt like you were carrying a terrible weight of unhappiness inside you?. 

I want to stand as close to the edge as I can withoug going over because I'm feeling that kind of tired that won't go away with sleep. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the centre.

Change

People can change, they just don't because it's easier not to. They are always waiting for their lives to begin, like figuring they'll be someone else someday. But what are they waiting for? All we have is now, don't run from it.

In your dreams

They say that when you can’t sleep, 

you’re awake in someone’s dream

  

My heart is pounding

the air is gone from my lungs

I'm shivering in astonishment

Sometimes you have to let go 

to see if there was anything worth holding on to...

Here you are, a long time has passed

and yet nothing is changed (again).

You make me confused.

When someone is in your heart, 

they’re never truly gone. 

They can come back to you, 

even at unlikely times.

How do you hang on to someone who won’t stay? 

And how do you get rid of someone who won’t go?

That's just another big dillema and as such it will remain.

I won’t force myself to have a space in your life, 

because if you know my worth, you’ll create one for me.

And if you don't, then what a shame! It's your loss...

I guess, I'll see you in your dreams.

Evil

The unique and supreme voluptuousness of love lies in the certainty of committing evil. And men and women know from birth that in evil is found all sensual delight. 

Charles Baudelaire

Proyectar

Según el diccionario, PROYECTAR es: idear, proponer, disponer, ver a futuro. 

Ahora... hay muchos que le tienen miedo solo a la idea de proyectar algo. De mirar hacia adelante y hacerse cargo y de ahí surge un ¿por qué? que ha sido estudiado y analizado mil veces y como en muchos otros casos, tiene mil respuestas que no satisfacen a nadie y mucho menos a mi. 

Yo PROYECTO, vivo el presente con vista a futuro, me aburre quedarme quieta, amo el cambio y la experiencia. Necesito avanzar y probar, equivocarme, aprender y mejorar.

Empujo a gente para que haga lo mismo y capaz AHI está mi error. But again, estoy aprendiendo...

En psicoanálisis, PROYECTAR, es atribuir a otra persona u objeto, los defectos o intenciones que no se reconocen en uno mismo. No debo agregar ni una sola palabra a dicha definición. 

Fin.

The Rut

I am in a rut. A giant bed-shaped rut. A giant bed-shaped month-long rut. I am pretty much wallowing in this ole rut of mine.

I want to get up, get out, honestly I do. I want to be so busy my feet hardly touch the floor, and I want to like it. Now when I'm busy it makes me grumpy and resentful. How dare you take away from my important sleeping time? What do I need to kickstart me?  I've tried new music, new food, new activities. It's all one big blah to me.

Maybe this new flat will do the trick, will give me a swift kick up the arse. And then, this new flat brings a whole load of new worries with it... but I can take. I have to...

Feliz

Solo una vez lejos de acá me desperté mejor, pero no me atreví.

¿Qué garantías tenía de ser feliz? ♪♫

I'm so sick of it

I want to change it all. I'm going to change it all.

Afraid

Will I ever get my head around
All the things that I feel good about
that always seem to disappear?
When every time I think
I've got this all worked out.
Something chews me up and spits me out.
But there's nothing left to fear...

I feel so bad
Never felt like this 'bout anything I never have
No, please don't tell me that
What's lost is lost it's never gonna come back home

I walk in circles when there's no one around
Try to find my own direction
I test the water but it burns my hand
As I disfigure my reflection
I've been a good girl but I need peace of mind

I lie in silence and I just can't sleep
How I long for your affection
My eyes are tired and my body is weak
I'll carry on proving everyone wrong
I will succeed!
What's meant to be is meant to be
it's no consolation!

I 'm caught up in a mystery way
I'm in a constant distant state
I pray for this to always be
The path that has been chosen for me
Cos it's got me spinning round and round, round and round
So high I can't touch the ground anymore
And it's all that I'm praying

I stood alone, the only one
I didn't know I was waiting
For liberty to feel like me
And now I'm here I'm not willing to change but I'm so afraid.

A new beginning II

Yesterday is gone
And tomorrow is new
Everything that's gone undone
Now its time for you to do
Look forward to a brighter day
And a great expected end
It's a new day and a new beginning

A period in my life is closed and with it a new door opens
The door to INDEPENDENCE and not having to do as someone else wants me to
The door to SELFSUFICIENCY and GROWTH
It's the beginning of MY life for ME.

Read My Mind

I never really gave up on breakin' out of this two-star town
I got the green light, I got a little fight
I'm gonna turn this thing around!

The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun
When you read my mind...